all i truly want

I enjoy my morning commute. The traffic isn't that bad on my 20-25 minute drive, and it's a part of my day where I can muse over random thoughts and listen to music as loud as I want. This morning's pick: Read Music/Speak Spanish by Desaparecidos. I swear like a sailor when I'm driving; partially because there's no one to scold my foul mouth, and partially because there are some terrible drivers in this city. I won't miss the traffic when I finally move away from this place...

I have that undeniable urge again - that feeling that starts in my brain and twitches down into my fingers. I want to start a new story, to shut everyone and everything out and just write. Unfortunately, I'm not really at a place where I can do that just yet. I've got a manuscript to edit, a friend's novel to read, and a book that I'm halfway through that I'd like to finish sometime soon.

There were things that came with getting published that I'd anticipated: work, work, and more work. But there were also things that I didn't anticipate: putting myself out there, connecting with other writers, and figuring out how in the hell to market myself. I'm busier now than I've been since college, and while I'm still very excited about the prospect of seeing one of my novels in print, I miss having nothing to do but write. I miss being in the middle of a story. I miss the undeniable bliss of creativity.

I'm assuming my brain releases some kind of chemical or endorphine while I'm writing because I'm at my happiest when I'm piecing together a story. There's an inexplicable joy in the craft that I can't replicate in any other activity. I don't necessarily believe in fate, but if I was destined for anything, it's writing. It would explain why I've been doing it for years and years without previously seeking publication. I'm an extremely introverted person, so all of the crap that goes along with getting published [making connections and all that fun stuff] is pretty far off my radar. All I truly want is some coffee, some Bright Eyes, my MacBook, and a few days to kill. The rest of it, well, we'll just have to see what happens.

michelleb1 Comment