12 in 12

there's this sadness that creeps in when i'm not writing. it starts immediately after i finish working on something, startling at first, but then i somehow grow numb to it. like walking into a room with a terrible stench - your initial reaction is to leave, to get out of there as fast as you can. but the longer you stay, the better it gets. no, not better, you just get used to it. but even when i get used to it, I still know it's there. i still find myself crying sometimes for no reason. and writing is the only thing that cures that. maybe there are chemical released in my brain or something when i'm creating - i don't know. but for whatever reason, it's the only thing that makes me feel really, really good about myself.

there's this thing i've been wanting to do for a really long time now: 12 in 12. or rather, i'd like to write 12 novels in 12 months, january 1st to december 31st. i would only take this on if i wasn't employed otherwise, as obsessive writing of this nature takes quite an emotional toll. i doubt i'm the first person who's thought of this [as no form of art is ever quite original], but i know i could do it. i mean, hell, i'd start right now if all conditions were ideal.

most people consider the ultimate goal of writing to be publication. but i don't, no, i want something much more than that. every novel is a stretch for me in some way. an opportunity to pinpoint a weakness, and figure out a way to make myself better. or maybe not even things that would be considered a weakness, but instead something i've never really done before. example: my time span in a novel usually ranges from a high school semester [as i write a lot of young adult] to maybe a year. but i wanted to try something different on this last one, and ended up spanning my story over a two-year period. not much of a feat perhaps, but it was still something that i'd never done before. isn't that the point of art? to evolve? people always get pissed when a band they like releases an album that "doesn't sound like their other stuff." but that's art for you. if you're in it for the right reasons, if you really want to grow, you've got to push yourself to try something new.

but there's no point to any of it unless you're really willing to put the time in. so pick up your pen, or macbook, or guitar or whatever and get to work. because if you can't see it for what it really is, work, then you're probably not much of an artist...