family tree

my younger brother has been in florida for some time now. where exactly, no one knows. why exactly, no one knows. he's ill - needs the kind of help that our family can't offer. got a call from my grandmother today. someone found my brother on the side of the road, mumbling incoherently, and called the cops. they took him to some kind of mental hospital, are going to keep him there and take care of him. he's been needing to hit rock bottom for some time now. don't know that there's anywhere else for him to fall.

this is the second time such a thing has happened to a member of my immediate family. the exact same scenario. and makes me wonder when my number's up. if penning all these stories can somehow serve as therapy to erase the lines etched into my family tree. will the third time be a charm for me? is there any escaping what's destiny?

i can't aruge nature vs. nurture, but it makes me want a cigarette. i won't have one, will drink down my sorrows with black coffee instead. i'm the good girl. i bring home straight A's. i keep my mouth shut. i know better than to get in the way. but will those rules of escape that i set for myself as a child in any way save me now? i shake my head because i don't know. and that can be just as scary as any picture in a crystal ball...