angst

it's like - what's the emotion? - angst. something i thought i'd be long done with once high school was over. but yeah, it's definitely angst, forcing myself not to start writing this book until november 1st. having the first few chapters all mapped out while somehow keeping my fingers from the keyboard. i don't know, it's this weird, hyper, out-of-control feeling. like you drank too much mt. dew and you just got your permit, but your mom won't let you drive the car. like the butterflies in your chest are going to explode right out of you if shit doesn't change like right now. yeah, that's angst.

so to occupy my time i'm rereading/editing this book i wrote several years ago during nanowrimo. i actually wrote two books that year [as i wasn't working at the time and had nothing better to do, i guess] - one book the first week, one the second. that was a very crazy time. i remember CCB asking if i was okay toward the end, and i don't blame him. i recall spending three days straight in bed, listening to nothing but death cab, and drinking like pots of coffee. but as far as i'm concerned that's pretty much my ideal. maybe i'd throw a few more showers into the mix, but i'd definitely keep the pots of coffee part.

for some strange reason i am currently transfixed on two albums: "white blood cells" by the white stripes, and "in rainbows" by radiohead. maybe they correlate in some creative way, i have no idea. i heard "hotel yorba" on pandora the other day, and it's been stuck in my head ever since. so i've been going back and forth between albums on my ipod in the morning, on my way to work, at work, on my way home from work. there's just so much music to listen to, i don't know how to keep up with it all...